Forgotten Experiences
by Kurox.exe
Summary: Kirito sometimes felt like he could take on any foe... keyword "felt like". so what happens when he wakes up injured in an alleyway having realized his memories are missing?
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: alright, first Sao fanfic. I just wanna mention one thing first. I know that Sugu calls Kirigaya 'brother' instead of saying his name in the anime because of Japanese culture and their language. However, it doesn't sound natural in English so instead, I'm just gonna have them use first names. Alright? Alright.

IMPORTANT: this takes place after GGO and before Alicization

* * *

Kirigayas eyes slowly opened to a dark sky lit up by the pale moon. He felt hard concrete beneath him, his vision struggling to cooperate. Two brick walls were on either side of him. An alley-way?

He struggled to sit up, leaning on one arm while his dominant hand held his aching head. His knee hurt like hell too.

His cheek stung as he dragged himself to the wall to lean on using his right leg and shaking arms, Careful not to move his injured leg too much.

…His whole body hurt.

He bent his knee a bit a made a pained noise, grabbing it in pain. There was a gash right above his knee and it seemed his knee itself was hurt too.

He looked around. He didn't recognize this place.

"... I need to get home" he muttered to himself

_Wait… But where is home? Where do I even live?_

He looked down at his hands.

_And... who am I… _

A reflective surface caught Kirigaya's eye. There's a cracked phone laying on the ground to his left.

_Is that mine? _

He twisted his body to reach for it but stopped short when he felt pain in his right side. He put his hand on the spot on his stomach where it hurt. It's as if the skin on his stomach burned.

He lifted up his dirt-covered shirt to see a burn mark on his stomach close to his right side.

Had he been… _Branded? _

It looked like something specific but nothing he had seen before. Or, nothing that he remembered seeing.

It was really hard to make out, but It was a shape with an arm sticking out the side. It also seemed to have a smile, but it was too wide to be natural. And had two big eyes with small pupils.

The whole thing made him feel uneasy, and if he was being honest, a little sick to his stomach. Not that he didn't already feel sick.

He put his shirt back down and slid his whole body over to reach what he thought was his phone. He pushed the button to turn it on and the screen lit up.

_A phone call? _

"... H-hello?"

"papa?" a girls voice came through the phone

"who is this" he more demanded than asked

"what do you mean? It's me" she said

He thought for a moment. "Do I know you? And why did you call me papa"

She was silent for a moment. "... You, don't remember… "

The sound of footsteps was coming down the alleyway. They sounded hesitant. Kirigaya looked over and saw a silhouette of a person coming into the alleyway. They had really long hair. Down past their waist even.

They're footsteps quickly picked up to a run until the person was kneeling beside him.

"Kirito-" she said with tears in her eyes, hand on his shoulder, "are you okay? I heard from Yui you were in trouble and-" she took his dominant hand and held it, making sure not to touch his clearly injured knee. Kirigaya winced as his breathing quickened a bit. His wrist felt sprained.

She quickly let go of his hand, "ah, I'm sorry"

"it's okay," he said "um… I'm sorry but…" he trailed off

"but what?"

"am… Am I supposed to know you…?"

Her tears she had been holding back started to fall. "come on Kirito, don't joke around. It's me, Asuna… You know that…" her voice trailed off

Kirigaya looked at her with confused yet sad eyes, not recognizing the name at all. He looked down at his lap. His eyes looked so… Empty.

There was a long pause.

"You- you don't remember me…"

Kirigaya shook his head "I'm sorry. Seeing the way you're reacting, I must mean something to you"

"Kirito I-..." She paused, "do you remember anything?"

He shook his head "I'm sorry"

She shook her head "no. don't apologize. Because… i-It's _because_ you mean so much to me that i-I'll figure out a way to fix this. Okay?"

Kirigaya looked up at her and gave a soft smile. There was a certain something about this Asuna that put him at ease.

Asuna could feel her heart melt when he smiled at her. Definitely. She would definitely get him to remember.

_Asuna… she's my only lead_

"Mama?" the girl's voice came through his phone again

"Yui?" Asuna wiped away her tears

"papa needs medical attention"

Kirigaya stared at his phone as they talked about the best way to get him to the hospital. He still had to keep his guard up. After all, he didn't know these people.

"Alright, Yui," Asuna pulled him out if his thoughts "can you call an ambulance?"

"yes, I'll be right back," Yui said before calling

"Okay, um… I know your wrist is probably sprained, but is there anything else that isn't obvious I should look out for? I don't wanna accidentally hurt you" Asuna said as she opened her bag and pulled out a handkerchief and a bottle of water

"just my side," he said, putting his hand over the spot

Asuna nodded as she poured some water onto the handkerchief. She went to wipe off some of the semi-dried blood still on his cheek from where he had been cut.

He instinctively flinched and leaned away, wincing from his unexpected movement afterwards.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, it's just water. I wanna wipe some of the blood off your face, you'll feel a little better after" she said

Kirigaya hesitantly moved back to his original position.

"I understand. you don't know me, so how could you trust me" she said sadly as she started to slowly wipe his cheek

He winced when she got a little too close to the cut.

"Sorry," she said

There was a pause.

"...my name," he said

"huh?"

"you called me Kirito. Is… Is that my name?"

"Well, sort of. You see, Kirito is your username and the first name I know you by. Your real name is Kirigaya Kazuto" she explained

"My username? Did we meet in a game?" He asked

Asana nodded.

"Huh… I wasn't very creative was I" he gave a pained chuckle

Asuna felt relieved that Kirito was still able to joke around, but she could hear the pain in his voice.

He felt this feeling of isolation and loneliness. This feeling felt familiar. Like he's felt it many times before. Without his memories, however, he just couldn't quite put his finger on it. This thick fog. This black curtain. He wasn't sure why but-

…he felt like crying.

Asuna put her hand on his shoulder, "Hey, are you okay?"

Kirito shook his head.

The sounds of sirens off in the distance echoed in the alleyway. Asuna went to cup his cheek to comfort him but he turned his head away as soon as her fingers brushed his face.

She looked hurt as she pulled her hand back. "Right…" She rested her hands in her lap, "you don't know me. Sorry..."

"Mama?" Yui spoke through the phone

"I'm here Yui," she said

"They said you should stand at the entrance of the alleyway so they can see you. There are a lot of alleyways in this area so they need to know where to go" she explained

Asuna nodded, "okay. You keep Kirito company." she put one leg up and started to stand, "I'll go-"

Kirito grabbed Asuna's arm. He was scared to let her out of his sight.

She looked down at him, not expecting to see the look of feeling so lost on his face. "Kirito…" She knelt back down "I'll be right back. Do you trust me enough for this?"

Kirito's grip tightened

"Papa..." Yui said

Kirito sighed and let go

"Don't worry" Asuna assured, "we're going to get you the help you need"

She stood up and ran to the entrance. Kirito was starting to shiver. He had so many questions. Including how this Asuna found him in the first place.

"Papa? Are you cold?" Yui asked

"W-why do you keep calling me that?" He asked

"Um, well-"

Before Yui could answer, the paramedics had found Asuna and were coming into the alleyway. He could hear Asuna explain what she knew about his condition to them as they got closer.

Asuna knelt back next to Kirito where she was before. She pointed to his phone, where Yui was, "do you mind?"

Kirito's grip on his phone tightened.

One of the paramedics knelt in front of Kirito, "Hey, how are you holding up so far?"

"...okay" Kirito answered

"Do you remember anything before this?" He asked

Kirito shook his head

"What about ID. do you have that on you?" he asked

Kirito used his good arm to search his jean pockets and found his wallet. He pulled it out and opened it, finding his ID.

"Kirigaya… Kazuto," he read aloud. He looked over at Asuna. That's the name she had told him. He continued to look it over, "I'm… I'm 17"

The conversation continued ranging from stuff about memory, to his physical injuries. It was a pretty relaxed conversation, until…

"Any other injuries I should know about?" The paramedic asked while the other paramedics set up the back of the ambulance with what they needed

"Well… I have this burn mark..."

"burn mark? Was this recent?"

Kirito nodded "it still hurts"

"Alright, can I see this mark?"

Kirito nodded before pulling up his shirt to reveal it.

Asuna stiffened up, putting a hand over her mouth. She recognized that mark. It was the mark of laughing coffin. The murderous guild inside of SAO.

Kirito looked over at Asuna. She looked extremely unsettled, and… scared.

"Do you… know this symbol?" Kirito asked

Asuna nodded, emotions swirling in her head. Sadness, anger, anxiety…

..._Kirito could have died tonight_

"Well," the paramedic chimed in, "let's get you into the ambulance, and you," he looked over at Asuna, "you're going to have to go in for questioning. You're not in trouble, but this isn't the only case like this that's happened this week"

Not the only case?

Asuna put her hand back down into her lap and nodded. She looked distressed, "Um… if I may ask, the other victims. Were they all… Sao survivors?" Asuna asked

"To my knowledge, it seems so. I can't say any more than that though" he answered

Asuna nodded, "I understand. Thank you"

Before they knew it, Kirito, Asuna, and Yui, who was still there on Kirito's phone, all rode in the back of the ambulance and Kirito was emitted.

Asuna had to wait in the waiting room for a while. She sat there, bouncing her leg. She had Yui there with her.

"It's okay mama, papa will be okay. I'm sure" Yui said, trying to convince herself as well

"Kirito's strong" she added, "... But memories are a hard thing to fix"

Eventually, someone came out into the waiting room. She held a clipboard in her hands. "Asuna?" She called out

Asuna stood up faster than she thought humanly possible, the chair making a loud noise on the floor.

"Come with me," she said

Asuna followed her to one of the hospital rooms. They got to the door and Asuna looked at the name card.

Kirigaya Kazuto.

"He's awake, seems like he could use some company," she said

"Okay thank you," Asuna opened the door and went inside, closing it behind her

Kirito was sitting up in bed, staring at his lap. He was wearing one of the hospital gowns, bedsheets over his lap. White bandages covered his wrist. some were wrapping his head a bit under his hair as well, and there was a smaller bandage on his cheek.

"...hey" she spoke up

Kirito jumped at her voice and looked up, "oh, it's you"

Asuna sat on the stool next to the bed

He wasn't sure what to do without his memories. she did help him though, so…

"Thank you," he said

"For what?"

"You helped me. When I was lost, and alone. So, thank you"

Asuna smiled "I'd do anything for you"

He wondered, on what terms their relationship had been in. Cause, when he saw her smile, he found it to be the brightest thing in the room

"I do have a question. Well, I have a million questions, but there's one specifically I wanna ask you" he said

"Sure, what is it?"

"How did you know where I was?"

"Oh, that, well, Yui heard that you were in trouble and she sent me your location"

"So, I must have been on the phone with her before I was attacked and sent her my location"

Asuna decided to stay quiet about who Yui really was for now. If she brought that up, guaranteed she would also have to bring up Sao which probably isn't the best thing to do right now.

Kirito stared out the window. He wondered what his life was like. Did he have a family? What did he like to do? Was he still in school? If so, what was his school life like?

The room door flew open making Kirito jump. He turned his head to see who had opened it. Standing there, was none other than Sugu, tears running down her face.

"Is it true?" she said, "your memories, are they really gone?"

Kirito looked over at Asuna, not knowing what to say.

A nurse came in and stood next to Sugu, "I apologize, she just rushed in"

"I-it's okay, um…" he said

"It's okay, she's family," the nurse said, "is it okay if I leave the three of you alone?"

Kirito nodded. If one of the nurses said she was family then it must be true. The nurse bowed and left the room, closing the door behind him.

"Kazuto…" Sugu trailed off

There was a pause

"...I'm sorry," he said

Asuna, with tears in her eyes, got up and hugged Sugu as she cried, "it's alright Sugu, we'll figure out a way to get his memories back. We can all sit down and talk about the good times we've had together, okay?"

These people… he has no memory of them, but that fact alone is causing them so much pain. He didn't want to cause people to hurt, he wanted the opposite. How many people was he forgetting… how many people was he _hurting_?

...He didn't want this

"Hey," Kirito chimed in, "don't cry..."

Both girls looked over at him

Tears welled up in his eyes. He looked up at them as he choked on his words.

"...please"

"Kirito-" Asuna sat back down on the stool, "I know you don't know me," she paused, not expecting that sentence to hurt as much as it did, "but, I still know you. And I want to help you" she held her hand out for Kirito to take. She could tell he wanted to say more. To explain himself, but she knew him too well

Kirito looked over at Sugu, who nodded. He looked back at Asuna, then down at her hand. He felt so lost. Feeling that sense of calmness she brought him, his hand instinctively started to reach out. He still wasn't sure what it was about her that made him feel this way. He paused for a moment, before letting his hand rest in hers.

… _Her hand's warm_

Asuna smiled, squeezing his hand lightly, "you never were good with words"

There was a knock on the door and an 'excuse me' as it opened. The same nurse from before walked in.

"I hate to interrupt, but Kirigaya needs his rest. You can come back tomorrow during visiting hours" he explained

"Okay, thank you," Asuna said. She looked back at Kirito, placing her other hand over his, "we'll be back tomorrow. We'll get this whole memory thing sorted out then. Okay?"

Kirito nodded "okay. I'll see you tomorrow... Asuna" he gave a small smile, hoping it would make her feel better

she smiled back, and his heart fluttered. She reluctantly let go of his hand and stood up.

Kirito looked over at Sugu, "I'll see you tomorrow too… Sugu"

Sugu gave a half relieved half tearful smile before she was guided out by the nurse. Asuna walked over to the door and grabbed the door handle before she paused. She turned her head to the side to look at Kirito.

"I love you" she said before opening the door and leaving.

Kirito didn't know how to react.

_She… Loves me?_

He looked down at the hand she had held only moments before.

...her hand had felt very familiar to him

He let his thoughts wander.

...Would he ever get his memories back?

* * *

Authors note: and that's chapter one. I hope it's good and I hope you enjoyed it. it would really help if you let me know what you thought. I do wanna know though. What's preferred when it comes to names? Kirito, or Kirigaya. I played around with both in this chapter but I'm just not 100 percent sure which has more of an impact. Anyways, till next chapter :)


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: Two quick things I wanna say; one, I didn't know the movie Ordinal Scale was a thing. Therefore this also takes place before the movie since I have yet to even see it. Two, I don't know if this is a universal thing, but I use italics to show a character's thoughts. Just wanna put that out there

* * *

Kazuto woke up late the next morning. He looked around the room as the little memory he had from last night came back to him. He sat up, wincing as he put his hand over the stinging mark on his stomach. There were bandages covering it, Not that he could see it through the hospital gown anyway.

He bent his knee and straightened it a few times. He was able to bend it now without too much pain but leaning on it would probably be impossible. They had given him a crutch he could use though. It was leaning on the nightstand next to his phone.

He wondered if he could find out anything else by going through his phone… Kazuto grabbed it and hit the button to turn it on, only for a lock screen to appear.

_Well, that's great. I don't know my password._

There was a knock on the door. Kazuto looked up as a nurse came in. Her blonde hair was in a loose braid that went over her shoulder down to her waist. She had glasses, brown eyes, a white nurse cap and wore a blue open sweater over top of her white button-up dress.

She smiled, "Oh good, you're awake," she walked over to the side of the bed, "how are you feeling?"

"I don't know, I don't really have anything to compare it to so…" Kazuto answered.

"Right, well, that's okay," she said.

_Was it really okay?_

...He sure didn't think so.

"My name's Aki Natsuki. I'll be your nurse" she stated, "well, I have been for years but I know you don't remember…"

Kazuto wasn't sure what to say.

"On another note," she added, "Your friend and sister will be back today to visit. You must still be excited for that right?"

_She's...My sister?_

Kazuto smiled a little.

_I have a sister…_

"I take that as a yes?" She asked.

Kazuto nodded. He would figure this out.

Later that day, after kazuto's bandages got checked and he was given pain killers, Asuna and Suguha arrived. They said their greetings before Asuna sat on the bottom right corner of the bed facing Kazuto, legs bent and crossed over each other. Suguha sat on the stool next to the bed.

Asuna smiled at him, "How are you feeling Kirito?"

"Why don't you just use my real name?" Kazuto asked.

"Well…" She paused, "Kirito was the only name I knew for the first two years I knew you, so…"

_Did we meet in-game?_

"What about you then? You never told me _your _character name" He said

Asuna let out a nervous laugh "I… kinda just used my real name"

Kazuto chuckled, "and _I'm_ the uncreative one?"

Asuna giggled, "uncreative character names aside, Just as promised, we're gonna try and get your memories back"

"Thank you, I don't know what I would have done without you. Both of you"

"We'd do anything for you," Suguha said.

Asuna moved forward so she sat closer to the headboard, "Were here for you," she said as she put her hand on top of his.

_Her hand's warm._

"I have so many questions…" he admitted.

"Ask anything," Asuna said, squeezing his hand a bit.

Kazuto thought for a moment, "last night. You said you knew what my burn mark was"

"Wait," Suguha chimed in, "you were burned?"

Kazuto nodded, "but it's a specific thing. It has eyes and a large mouth and It's kind of creepy to look at"

"Kirito," Asuna sighed, "Let me tell you about a game. A game called sword art online"

Asuna proceeded to explain what Nervegear was and how it and the game came to be. She explained how Kazuto was a beta tester, and how they both had dived in on the game's release day. About Aincrad and how the game worked.

"However…" Asuna paused, "everyone was trapped in the game"

"Trapped? What do you mean?" Kazuto asked.

"I mean, the logout button was gone. Removed on purpose," she said, "the only way to get out was to beat all 100 floors of the game"

"But how… why would someone do that?" He asked.

Suguha chimed in, "that's not all"

Kazuto looked her in the eyes and they were filled with grief. So were Asuna's when he looked back at her.

"Since the Nervegear had a connection to the player's brain, if done right, it has the power to seriously harm someone. Or worse," Asuna explained, "Basically… the creator of sword art online made it so that if you die in the game, you also die in the real world"

Kazuto froze, "die?"

Asuna nodded, "you and I are here today because of everyone who risked and lost their lives, including us"

_People died? _

"I… I don't understand… why?" Kazuto asked, stumbling with his words a bit.

"Your burn mark... it's a symbol of a guild that was part of SAO. A horrible guild that PK'd despite knowing people would really die…"

Kazuto looked down at both their hands. Why would anyone do that? He...He was attacked by a murderous guild and lived when so many others hadn't…

"But hey, look at the bright side," Asuna said and Kazuto looked back up at her, "I met you"

"But," he paused, "I still don't really _know _you"

Asuna's eyes softened with sorrow, "I know…"

Kazuto sighed, "how many people were trapped inside that game? If you can even really call it that"

"...About Fifty thousand," Asuna answered.

"And… How many made it out…?" He hesitantly asked.

Asuna looked over at Suguha.

"Do you want an exact number?" Suguha asked.

Kazuto nodded.

Suguha paused for a moment, "...six thousand, one hundred, and forty-seven"

Kazuto's grip on the sheets tightened, "t-that many?"

"But hey," Suguha said, "look at it this way. That number would be even lower if it wasn't for you"

"For me?" He asked

"You saved them Kirito," Asuna said, "you beat the floor 100 boss before we even got to it. You're the hero of SAO, the black swordsman who saved everyone who's still alive"

"I-...you're not just saying that to make me feel better, right?" He asked.

Asuna shook her head, "I would never lie to you"

"This… is a lot to take in…"

Asuna squeezed his hand "do you wanna stop here for now?"

Kazuto nodded, "for a little,"

He hadn't expected to hear something like this. It was hard to process and he wasn't sure what to do. He felt like he should be more upset than he was. Like he wanted to cry, but without his memories, he felt stuck. Fifty thousand people and only about six thousand survived. It was good to know he had helped, but still…

"How about we go get some snacks," Suguha suggested.

"That's a good idea," Asuna said before turning towards Kazuto, "is it okay if we leave you for a few minutes? I'll be sure to get some of your favourites"

Kazuto nodded, curious as to what his favourites were. Suguha stood as Asuna moved to get up, but as her hand started to leave Kazuto's he instinctively turned his hand over to grab hers, stopping her in her tracks. She looked down at him with a look of surprise. Kazuto looked her in the eyes, then down at their hands.

_Did I just-?_

He let go, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me"

Asuna gave a soft smile, "It's okay. I'll be right back," she lovingly ruffled his hair a bit before leaving with Suguha.

_Why did I just do that?_

He felt the pressure of tears behind his eyes, felt like he was gonna cry, but nothing happened. It felt as if there was a wall, or a dam, stopping the tears from forming.

Kazuto's phone buzzed, snapping him out of his thoughts. He picked it up, turning it on to find a notification for a message from Asuna.

'Asuna: almost forgot, your passwords 1202, the day we met'

He slid over to his lock screen and typed in the number. Once it was unlocked he went straight into his and Asuna's messages where there was another message waiting for him

'Asuna: Make sure you text if you need anything at any time'

_How did she know my password?_

Kazuto brushed it off for now and texted back a thank you before there was a knock at the door. The door opened and a man with white-ish grey-ish hair came in. He wore a silver chain and a plain blue t-shirt that was tucked into his jeans being held up by a black belt.

"I came as soon as I heard," he said.

He looked like he wasn't having a very good day and appeared very down as he looked at Kazuto.

"Who are you?" Kazuto asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my name's Atsushi Kanamoto, but you call me Aka. No need to use my actual name," he sat down on the stool next to the bed, "I'm your best friend"

"Best friend?" Kazuto asked, putting his phone down next to him.

Atsushi sighed, "I know you probably don't remember me. I gotta admit it breaks my heart to see you like this, and losing you is one of my biggest fears…" he looked like he was getting upset as he got closer to Kazuto, "but I'm sure I can still remind you of some things right? Like how we would always play games together, and hang out at my place for hours at a time..."

"Hey, I'm sure I'll remember someday," Kazuto comforted him, despite not knowing this person.

Atsushi nodded "I'm sorry I can't stay long, I just came cause I had to see you, even if it was only for a few minutes. But I hope you trust me when I say, we're really close. Almost like brothers. I know that bond isn't there for you, but I hope whenever I visit, and when we talk, we can build that bond back up again. Sound good?"

Kazuto nodded.

"I'm in your contacts so, just text me whenever you need something or just wanna talk. Okay?" He said, leaning even closer towards Kazuto.

"Ya, I got it," Kazuto said, leaning away from him a bit.

Was he in a hurry? He seemed rushed… and there was a certain vibe he was getting from him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it though...

Atsushi stood up, "I hope you feel better soon. Both mentally and physically" he turned to walk out the door, but what Kazuto didn't see was the unsettling smile on Atsushi's face as he left.

* * *

Authors note: why hello plot, where have you been? I'm hoping that I'm improving at least a little bit, and I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I didn't expect such a positive reaction from you all, so, thank you. I'll see you next chapter


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I've learned two things while writing this chapter. One, editing is hard. Two, using crystal meanings to add easter eggs and foreshadowing is fun.

* * *

The next morning Asuna visited again; It was a Sunday so there was no school. She came in with a vase of red and white flowers with some water in it and a plastic bag, wearing a plain peach hoodie with the sleeves pulled up slightly, a pair of blue jeans, and white sneakers. She and Kazuto exchanged their greetings as she put the flowers on the bedside table.

"You feeling any better?" she asked before she sat down on the chair, putting the bag in her lap.

"A little," Kazuto answered.

"Well, I have something that might make you feel even better,"

He watched expectantly as Asuna took the bag and held it out for him to take. He took the bag and looked inside.

"I stopped by your house and Sugu gave me some of your clothes so you could change out of that hospital gown they give people," she explained, "Thought it might help you get back to your old self, you know? I also threw in some essentials"

All the clothes that were inside were very dark in colour and folded perfectly, stacked on top of one another with a black belt sitting in a circle on top of it all. Sitting beside the stack was a deodorant stick and a baggie with a toothbrush and a toothpaste bottle inside. He pulled out a plain black T-shirt from the top before looking back in the bag at what he assumed were dark raven blue jeans along with some other articles of clothing folded underneath.

"The jeans are baggier than your typical pair so you don't have to worry about your knee," she added.

He looked up at her, "thanks, I appreciate it-" part of his bangs moved in front of his eye, catching his attention, "huh?"

"What is it?"

He reached up and held the tip of his bangs between his fingers, "I have black hair"

"Did… did you not notice that until just now?"

He continued to stare at the little hair he could see, "I don't know, my mind's kinda been a little preoccupied I guess…"

"Maybe we should try and clear your head a bit. Oh! I know, what do you say we get outside today? This hospital has a nice little outdoors section with benches and everything"

He thought for a moment, "ya, sure, that sounds nice"

Asuna handed Kazuto his crutch. He got up, bag in the same hand he used his crutch with, and went towards the bathroom directly to Asuna's left, across from where she was sitting. He stopped short of the doorway and turned so he was facing the room's main door. He raised his free right arm slightly, middle and index fingers straightened out while his other fingers were bent, and swiftly moved them down, drawing a line in the air. He paused, body almost frozen. He looked down at his bandaged hand in confusion.

_What did I just try to do? _

"Did you just-" she stood up.

He looked over at her, "I-... what did I just-" his head started to hurt, "I don't know what I just did," He winced, holding onto the front of his crutch with his free hand for more support.

She went up to Kazuto and put her hand on his shoulder to stabilize him, "You okay?"

He nodded "ya, I'm fine"

Asuna smiled, "This is good," She held her arm out and proceeded to do the move Kazuto had done moments before, "It's the move to bring up the menu in Sao"

"Huh… I… wasn't even thinking. I guess… muscle memory?"

"Whatever it was, it gives me hope," they smiled at each other, her smile clearly brighter than his, "Now," she reached up and patted the top of his head, "go change."

Kazuto went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. The whole room was a rectangular shape, deeper than it was wide. On the opposite end of the room was a shower, and to his left was the sink and counter with a frameless mirror above it. The counter was a darker more grey colour with white cupboard doors underneath, while the sink that sat on top was just plain white, just like the toilet that sat between the counter and the shower.

He put the bag up on the counter and looked in the mirror. He hadn't seen himself since he woke up that night. As he gazed at his reflection he took in his features, not fully recognizing himself. He noticed how he looked paler than most people he had seen. His black hair hung messily in front of his eyes, and his eyes… didn't shine nearly as bright as hers…

He sighed as he peered into them, black like a sphalerite gem, then let out a small breathy chuckle.

He spoke quietly, and softly, "what a mess you've gotten yourself into"

He wondered… what type of person was he? He looked like a teenager but his knowledge of himself was that of a child's. This feeling of not knowing where he was headed, or what to do next... He felt static.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts. Asuna, the girl who's been so kind to him, seemed like the type who would worry if he took too long.

He pulled his clothes out of the bag and started to change. He put the jeans on first, being careful of his leg in the process. He then took off the hospital gown and grabbed the T-shirt. Before he put it on, he looked back into the mirror for a moment.

A white bandaged was wrapped all the way around his stomach, and he was thinner than most people he's seen so far as well.

He put the shirt on and ran his fingers through his hair. He fixed it so it didn't look so messy before he just stared at himself one last time.

The clothes helped. He felt a little more… human. A little more like himself. Whoever that self was.

Kazuto left the bathroom and before he knew it he was walking outside, Asuna by his side. He looked around, squinting for a moment as the sun was hard on his eyes.

It was a nice little area. fenced off so you could only get in by going through the hospital lobby. There were dirt paths with a bench here and there, and a few picnic tables were also about. The grass was green and there were only a couple other people around.

He and Asuna went and sat down on a bench, Asuna sitting to his left. Kazuto rested his crutch up against the wood and sat back, letting his muscles relax a little. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his head starting to feel a little clearer.

"See, what did I tell you. The fresh air helps, doesn't it," Asuna pointed out.

"Hm," Kazuto agreed.

Footsteps in the grass could be heard, drawing closer. He opened his eyes to see Natsuki standing in front of them, holding what looked like a small book with a plain black cover on the back.

"Good to see you out here," Natsuki stated.

"What's that?" Asuna asked.

"It's a sketchbook, I brought it here to give to Kirigaya"

"A sketchbook?" Kazuto repeated, "why would I need a sketchbook?"

"Well, I thought it would be a good idea for you to try art therapy. Might help with your memories," she held out the book for Kazuto to take.

Unlike the back, the front of the book had a purple stripe going across the bottom with the spine being purple as well with a little black pencil holder on it. Along the top of the cover, there was a white area that you could write on, presumably for the book owner's name.

Kazuto took the sketchbook and opened it to look at the blank pages. They were white as snow.

"Here," Natsuki said before she reached into her pocket and pulled out a graphite pencil. She handed it to Kazuto who took it and looked at it for a second.

He looked back up at Natsuki "thanks"

"Don't mention it. You can pay me back by eating more," she had a smile on her face as she playfully crossed her arms.

"Uh, ya, sure,"

He guessed he must have been the type to forget to eat, considering her statement along with him being as thin as he is and the fact that he hadn't even thought about eating breakfast yet.

"Good, I'll see you later in your room, I've got more people to check on," she said before starting to walk away.

"Bye!" Asuna said cheerfully, "We really appreciate this!"

Natsuki gave her a friendly wave goodbye; A few moments later she was out of sight.

**. . .**

Later that day, Kazuto and Asuna were back in his room; Kazuto was sitting up in bed while Asuna was adjusting the flowers she had brought earlier. The red and white colours seemed to suit Asuna in a way.

"You know," she said, "these kinds of remind me of Christmas,"

She went into the bathroom and took the little things out of the bag she had brought earlier. She had set them up neatly on the counter, softly humming the tune of Rudolph the red nose reindeer.

Kazutos' breath caught a little in his throat. He knew the song, but… why did it bring up so many painful emotions? He felt his eyes well up with tears. He couldn't stop the overwhelming feeling of loss and pure pain from taking over before the tears started to run down his cheeks.

Asuna walked back out of the bathroom before she looked over at Kazuto and her face quickly changed into one of worry.

She quickly went and sat on the bed, facing Kazuto, "Kirito, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I…" He shrunk in on himself, "I'm not sure"

"Did you remember something? Tell me, what's going on?"

Kazuto didn't answer for a moment, "I've heard that song somewhere before… but it wasn't... happy" He paused for a moment, "it hurts."

A fuzzy image of sorts appeared in Kazutos' mind at that moment, but it only confused him more. He tried to focus on the image to try and remember, but it wasn't working very well.

"I'm sorry I- I had no idea"

She thought for a moment before she moved so she was sitting right next to Kazuto. She put an arm around him and a hand on his arm. Kazuto became a little tenser at the action, but as time passed, he slowly relaxed in her comfort. He seemed so small at that moment.

After a little more time had passed, Kazuto wiped away his tears, and looked over at the bedside table where the sketchbook sat.

"Hey," he said, "could you pass me the sketchbook"

Asuna reached over and grabbed it, handing it to him. The feeling of loss lingered as he took the pencil out of the holder and opened it to the second page. He first sketched out a wooden desk with a pane window above it, the image becoming clearer as he drew. Floating above the desk he then drew a 3D diamond shape with this misty blob shape inside of it. He added any necessary shading, and once he was done, he held the sketchbook out for both of them to see.

"Kirito…is this…?"

"It was dark outside," he said.

"Do you remember when this was?" she asked.

He shook his head, "do you?"

"I'm sorry but, I don't know this, whatever happened, I wasn't there"

He brought the book closer to him, staring at the image, "this feeling, it's how I felt then too… but it was worse then"

There was a moment of silence.

"I may not know what happened, but there is something in that picture I can tell you about"

He looked up at her expectantly.

She pointed at the diamond shape in the middle of the page, "this is used to send audio messages to people inside of Sao"

"Messages?" He paused, "...there was a girls voice"

"A girl? Do you remember her name?"

Kazuto shook his head, "no, but… she was humming that song"

They ended up just sitting there in comfortable silence until visiting hours were over.

That night, Kazuto went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He did the typical stuff, like washing his face, brushing his teeth, and then took the pyjamas Asuna brought for him out of the bag. There was a black t-shirt and grey sweat pants.

"Heh, I'm sensing a theme," he joked to himself.

He took his phone out of his pocket and put it on the counter. He changed his pants first, the sweat pants being slimmer than he thought they would be, then changed his shirt.

He looked in the mirror and stared at his reflection for the second time that day. He had small dark circles under his eyes; Understandable considering he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. He turned around so his back was against the counter, took his crutch out from under his arm, and let himself slide down to the ground. He sat there, holding the handgrip of his crutch as he leaned on it slightly.

Why wouldn't this horrible feeling go away? It's as if he had just had the experience just moments ago. Was this what regaining his memories would entail? Was this the cost of remembering? Reliving these emotions no matter how painful they might be?

Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. He wanted this, he wanted to remember. But… what if his memories were too much.

He almost felt numb, sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at the ground. Before now, he had wanted to cry despite not being able to, wanted that release, but now, as tears started flowing down his face once again… he didn't know how to make them stop.

He could hear light rain starting to fall outside; Almost as if the sky was crying with him.

His phone buzzed on the counter. Kazuto looked up in front of him, breaking his gaze from the floor. He reached up with his left arm and grabbed his phone before he turned it on.

One new message… from aka.

'Hey, how're you holding up?'

Kazuto typed out, 'i'm doing okay', but then paused for a moment. He deleted it and started typing again,

'honestly, I could be better'

'Im not surprised, you need anything?'

'I don't see how anything is gonna help'

'Hey, you never know, and if it makes you feel any better, the group misses you'

'The group?'

'Oh, right, sorry, our group of friends. I may be your one and only best friend, but we're all a pack. When we first got really close I introduced you to them and naturally, you got pretty popular'

'huh…'

There was a long pause as Kazuto just sat there and stared at the blinking bar on his screen. The hazy maze that was his own mind was spinning with a fog of emotions.

'...how do you deal with loss'

'Loss? Where's this coming from?'

'. . .'

'...did you remember something?'

'You could say that…'

'And?'

'...and it hurts'

'... you know, there's a saying. Ignorance is bliss. Maybe… you'd be better off if you just… didn't remember'

Ignorance… is bliss? Was that really true...?

Kazuto finally got the strength he needed to get up off the floor and get into bed. He and Aka ended up talking for a while longer that night as well, Kazuto getting to know him a little more.

Who knew he would have such good friends…

Once the conversation was over, His tears were quick to return. falling slowly, but never ceased as he closed his eyes. Tomorrow will be better. At least, that's what he hoped before he eventually lost consciousness. The world, along with the confusion and pain, slipping away.

. . .

The next day, Kazuto woke up to the sun coming through the window, making him squint when he opened his eyes, his memories of last night rushing back to him.

if it wasn't for aka, he probably would have sat on that bathroom floor for the rest of the night. Or, the majority of it at least. He grabbed his phone and checked the time. 12 pm. He sighed before there was a knock on the door.

Natsuki opened the door and stepped inside, "oh, good, you're finally awake, How are you feeling?"

"Well…" he thought back to the night before. He may have gotten some comfort, but that didn't answer the questions that were plaguing his mind.

"Something the matter?" Natsuki went and sat down on the bedside chair.

Kazuto looked up at her.

"You know, you may not remember, but I've been your nurse for quite some time now. Years in fact. You can tell me anything"

Kazuto thought for a moment, looking down at his lap, "...do you remember the names of the patients you've lost?"

"Oh, um… well, ya, at least I definitely try to, why?"

"...I can't remember her name"

"Who's name?"

"I remembered a girl I knew yesterday but… she's not alive anymore… and I can't remember her name," Kazuto curled in on himself a bit, looking at the bed towards Natsuki a little bit, "does that make me a bad person?"

"Of course not"

Kazuto looked up at her, listening intently as she spoke.

"Your memory loss was caused by force trauma, it's not your fault. Besides, I believe that in time, if you're really meant to remember something, then you will. And that includes your friend's name"

"How… how would I know it's not my fault. I do I know I didn't let this happen. What if… what if during whatever happened to me, I just gave up-"

"You didn't"

"Huh?'

"Kirigaya, you're not the type of person who would just give up so easily. Your resolve is one to be admired"

"My… resolve?" Kazuto thought for a moment, then smiled ever so slightly, a small spark of hope mixed with the sadness in his eyes, "...Thank you"

"No problem. I may not be a counsellor, but I like to think I'd make a good one"

Natsuki proceeded to check all of his wounds and tend to them in any way she could, including changing the bandages. Any cuts were healing pretty well, and they were both hoping that Kazuto would be able to walk again without a crutch sometime in the near future. although, probably not as near as he would have liked. The burn mark on his stomach however looked like it was gonna scar, not to anyone's surprise. This fact however gave him an uneasy feeling. Knowing he had the mark of such a horrible guild permanently on his skin. At least it's not anywhere too noticeable and it's easy to hide.

Afterwards, he got some breakfast and got ready for the day; Any sense of self he could get he would take.

It was a Monday that day, so he wasn't expecting Asuna to visit him. He sat on his phone for a while, researching stuff about sword art online. What did it look like, what transpired inside?

He found basic stuff about the game that was released before the game even was, along with a bunch of articles with pictures about the creator of the game himself, Akihiko. He had short light/ash brown hair and eyes you could see the intent behind. In the picture he stood there in his white lab coat, white button-up shirt and black tie; he'd look like a fairly nice guy if you didn't know about what he did. Kazuto stared at the article's picture of Akihiko for a bit before His head started to hurt.

He turned off his phone and set it next to him before he rubbed his temples, hoping his headache wouldn't get any worse throughout the day.

There was a knock on the door; An 'excuse me' could be heard as aka came into the room.

"Aka?" Kazuto said.

"Hey," Aka closed the door behind him before going to sit down on the chair next to the bed, "how're you feeling, better?"

"Ya, thanks again for last night"

"Ah, don't mention it, you would've done the same for me. Well… under different circumstances at least"

"Ya…" There was a pause "... I still feel bad that I can't remember you though"

"Hey, have you already forgotten our conversation? We can make new memories, your old ones aren't good for your mental health anyway, it's probably better to just forget they even existed"

"Are you talking about my years in Sao?"

"Of course I am, a lot of people are suffering mentally because of it, and because of last night, you know first hand. But you were given a chance to forget it all. Ignorance is bliss, remember?"

Kazuto wrapped one of his arms over the other, "You keep saying that"

"That's cause it's true"

"I don't know… maybe"

"Hold on," aka looked Kazuto up and down, "you didn't have your own clothes the first time I visited did you?"

He looked down at himself for a moment, "Oh, uh… no. this girls named Asuna brought them here for me"

"Asuna?"

"Ya, do you know each other?"

Aka sighed, "okay, listen, I think this person is trying to use your current situation to her advantage"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean-"

A knock on the door interrupted him.

"Excuse me," Asuna said as she entered the room, closing the door behind her. She stopped for a moment upon seeing aka sitting there.

"Asuna!" Kazuto greeted her, sitting up a little more.

"Speak of the devil-" aka commented in a low tone.

"Its Monday, I thought you had school"

"It was cancelled cause another one of those incidents happened pretty close to the building…" Asuna looked at aka suspiciously, "who is this"

"This is aka-"

"I'm Kazuto's best friend," aka butted in.

"...I've... never heard of you..." she crossed her arms.

"well, I've heard of _you, _so if I were you I'd leave"

"Hold on a second, what's going on here," Kazuto asked.

"Kazuto listen, she's very dangerous-"

"Dangerous?!" she exclaimed, "You're the one that shouldn't be here whoever you are"

"She's lying to you, she's not who you think she is"

"Kirito listen, I know you don't have your memories, but I don't know this man, and neither do you"

"Ya right. You're probably just here to try and convince the man who beat sword art online to go join that murderous guild or some shit"

"Wha-" she took a step back, "... murderous guild… don't tell me you're-"

Aka just glared at her; He seemed very protective. Kazuto felt a pit growing in his stomach as he watched the conversation quickly take a turn for the worse, their voices growing louder with each passing moment.

Asuna stood up straighter, "Leave."

"And leave my friend alone with you? I don't think so"

"Just get away from him! I don't know what you're up to, but just leave _him_ out of it!"

Aka stood up, "why don't _you_ just give it up! Everything you've said so far has been bull shit. Now leave Kazuto alone before I give you something else to worry about"

"Kirito, whatever he says he's lying to you!"

"she's misleading you! This is what I was trying to explain before, you're not friends with anyone named Asuna Yuuki"

"First of all, how do you know my full name." she demanded, "Second of all, Kirito and I have been through so much together, you have no right to say such a thing! I even have proof"

"Any so-called proof you have doesn't matter. Just because you may have known each other before doesn't mean you're even close to being acquaintances now"

"We're more than just acquaintances"

Aka crossed his arms, "You wish"

"Hold on a second-"

"Do you not remember what she did to you?"

"I would never even _think_ to do a single bad thing to Kirito!"

"Bull shit!" he gestured to Asuna as he spoke, "She abandoned you and secretly joined laughing coffin! The only reason her reputation didn't drown in the mud is because you didn't have the heart to tell anyone but me!"

"That's not true! I am not a heartless killer! The only person in this room with any probability of being a member of that horrible guild is you!"

"Oh please, you're probably the one who did this to him in the first place!"

"Would you both stop?!" Kazuto yelled. Everyone froze instantly, all eyes now on him, "I was already confused and this isn't helping! I've got enough to figure out and now I find out one of you is lying to me?"

Asuna looked at him with worry, "Kirito-"

"Stop." he interrupted, "This is already hard enough as it is. When you have to try to remember who you are, or… who you were, only for memories filled with pain to come back and plague you. And the idea of someone from the guild who put me in this situation in the first place standing in this room…"

_It's scary_

"Kazuto," Aka said, "you gotta believe me, she's-"

"I'm not anything of the sorts!" she interrupted.

"Just shut-up!" Kazuto snapped, "stop talking, both of you!" he paused, then let out a sad chuckle as he put his hand to his head, "I can't believe this…"

_is this what I get for letting my guard down...?_

Asuna took a step toward Kazuto, then stopped.

Kazuto let his hand fall back down; his bangs hung messily in front of his face. That alone feeling started to come back; It started in the pit of his stomach and reached outwards, surrounding him like an uncomfortable blanket.

He wrapped his arms around himself, "C-could you both leave..." he said.

It felt as if an invisible wall just came down, separating them, trust no longer having a seat at the table. He was unsure of what to even believe anymore.

Asuna just stood there for a moment.

"if that's what you want," Aka complied.

She opened the door and stood next to it before he walked up to her and stopped.

He gestured out into the hallway, "ladies first"

Asuna didn't say anything and just stood there. After a moment Aka sighed, he looked back at Kazuto one last time before walking out into the hall. She looked back at him as well, concern written all over her face. He looked just like a lost puppy, so much so that her hesitation to leave could be clearly seen. After a moment, she complied with Kazuto's request and she too left the room, closing the door behind her.

Kazuto sighed and curled in on himself as much as his injuries would allow, his whole body shaking slightly.

… _the tears are gone again. _

Out in the hallway, a few feet from Kazuto's room door, Asuna was glaring at Aka, whose arms were crossed with a smug look on his face.

"You really think you can get away with this huh," she said

"Of course I do, no memories, no way to tell the truth. Besides…" he paused, putting a hand on his hip, "I'm a _very _good actor"

"What's your motive" she demanded

"Oo, bold of you to be so direct with… What did you indirectly call me? A, 'heartless killer'?"

"Were standing in the hallway of a hospital, you can't touch me," she said with conviction.

"That's fair… but I've already answered your question. He's the man who beat sword art online. If that's not what you call a powerful asset then I don't know what is"

"I hope you realize I can call the cops"

"I'm sure you could, but-" Aka reached into his pocket, just barely pulling out one of the syringes used during the GGO incident, just enough so Asuna could see it, "I'd advise against it," she took a step back before he put it back in his pocket, "not that it would do you any good anyway without a real name to give. Oh, and don't bother asking your friend what it is, he doesn't know either," he lied, "Now if you'd excuse me I have some unexpected time to kill. As do you"

With that, aka turned and left, leaving Asuna standing there with an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

**. . .**

That night, Kazuto lay semi propped up in bed, doing more research on his phone about Sword Art Online. He's read a lot about it already, but if he could find anything he might be missing-

Kazuto came across one of the cover art images for the game. He had already seen a few of them, but this one was different from the others. He stared at it for a good moment; It was a picture really high up off the ground, above the clouds. There were fields with streams going through them and mountains and hills all around. In front of all of it was an image of a sword that was shining in the sunlight. The hilt was violet and reminded him of an iolite gem, whereas the blade was blue and reminded him of a tanzanite gem.

An image then appeared in his head, taking him by surprise. He quickly turned off his phone, put it down next to him and grabbed his sketchbook and pencil before he opened it to the next available page and started sketching. Starting at the top of the page, he started drawing a straight handle. then, a hilt, one part going straight to the right, and the part below it curving in a U shape. He drew an X inside a circle right below where the handle ended before moving on to drawing a blade attached to it all. He added shading so that the whole blade was dark, with the sharp edges and the outline of the hilt being a lighter, almost white colour, the X also being shaded in black and the circle that encompassed it remaining white.

The drawing of the sword had quickly appeared on the once blank page, and once he was done, he just stared at it.

He started to reach for his phone, then stopped.

_Maybe… I should hold off on showing either of them my drawings until I know which one I can trust more… they do stem from my memories after all, even if I don't really remember them. _

He went back to staring at his drawing for a little while longer until His phone started ringing; He looked over at the screen to see Asuna's name and sighed. He thought about ignoring it at first and went back to looking at the page in front of him, but when the ringing didn't stop…

"Well… there's only one way to figure all this out," he said to himself before he picked up the phone and answered.

_I will figure this out. I will remember… my forgotten experiences. _


End file.
